its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
