Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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