Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
