I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
