I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
