Your face is a jimmy john
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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