I just made out with a guy for $7.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
