I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
