just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
