How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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