Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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