So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
