her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
