I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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