I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
