D3 body, D1 cock
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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