It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
