I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
