I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
