remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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