Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
