You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
MIDGETS
????
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
