I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
