why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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