Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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