you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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