Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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