There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize