a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
