Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
