You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
