I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
