She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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