I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
