I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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