I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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