you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
