I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
