I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
