If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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