Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
