bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
