? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
