he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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