I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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