I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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