Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
