sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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