bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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