What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
