My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
foreskin is a definite game changer
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
