so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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