He is an equal opportunity slut.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
