moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
