we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
