You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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