Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
