i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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