Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
