I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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