come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
