I am in a vortex of obligation.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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