I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
