everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize