My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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