Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize