Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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