i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
as a side note pls kill me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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