We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
