Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
BRING THE BAGELS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
