but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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